mantra maintenance

i have the power to transmute all poisons into life enhancing chi... is the mantra that one day came to me and in that vein i wish to express a little more and say a little less just i love you and leave it at that for now, let it sit with you as you say it too and feel the energy of love, let whatever else it is that bothers you go, learn and grow, let your love for yourself show and share it with others, sisters and brothers it's time for us to get out and be us freely, the world needs more of those who are willing to give love easily

freudian si slip

si so i began an experiment a life or death challenge to see what was going on and to do that i quit everything and every one... i pulled back from the brink and pulled away as i had always done... and as time went on, i found pieces of a forgotten person, Jon... He's braver than i thought we were, and more scared too and thinks a lot of all of you, cares more deeply than i can say out loud most of the time but is getting better day by day and expresses himself truly more often... Into this control environment of a body clearing out twenty plus years of drink and stronger and stronger hence worse and worse perversions of the beautiful natural healing herb cannabis I found a series of revelations became clear to this newly awakening being, because while i was coming out of the fog and weaning myself off it was also true that my connection to the rest of you was strong and getting stronger by the hour, so i had a choice, get sectioned or quit forever, see drink as the depressive shower of shit it is which turns off brain functions we can;t really live without, see drugs that are not in balance as a twisted failure and road leading to a hiding and nowhere with no-one there because you can't connect to them, so now it's a race in space to place the parts of me back within, face my sins and wins and grins and shins and knocking knees, plant some herb trees and fruit and beans and grow a little myself too :) + <3 Thankyou to all the rest of you for not tempting me to be bad, it's been a period of intense sad-ness and gladness peering through... SO what i'm gonna do is see the old ways as a tricky over here one, two, dip in and out and round about and for now thank you thank you thank you thank you :) + <3

to do list

i was saying to someone that once you stop wasting all your time there's often none left and what with healing on a monday and making my own food, and healer training on a tuesday and tai chi wednesday and thursday church and friday healing now and saturday jobs like food shopping and grass cutting and on and on but isn't that what life is all about having things to do? ;) +

a settle or a snug

i know why you settle for the lowest common denominator, after all one is the loneliest number so to you, a bad something is better than a good nothing, if they're good for nothing you're better off alone, so much transformation happens to one person dealing with their own. Peace lovelies :) +

better together

so none of my money is going on weed

alcohol or tobacco for the sake of greed

and when i look at them all as addictions

indeed it takes its toll on the health of me

then i wonder im doing all the right things

eating well sleeping well meditation tai chi

getting all the other bits and pieces i need

encountering habits those mental patterns

and behaviours that were making me poor

the years of abuse landed at my own door

shitting on my doorstep apologising more

i'm gonna quit this rap a long time before

this turns into something darker and raw

im releasing trying to heal an open sore

gotta leave it there and do better today

see what improvement i can explore...

an old post from april 2015 reused here today

i use this place as a forum for communication, explanation, expression, to go some way towards a true confession up to a point, so I don't expect or desire anything in return, as always this tends to be a tribute to whatever went through my mind not the actual thought process which is usually much better than what comes out but that's the way it goes, with all artists maybe that's the point, the fire, the driving force, that makes them use whatever they call their voice, mine is words, that's my art because in person they rarely start, unless i'm nervously filling a silence with some rambling story, getting sidetracked, or revealing the journey i've been on and so here goes with some of the things I've noticed... I used to drink a lot, used to smoke a lot, toke a lot, joke a lot, choke a lot because i'm always scared of my own tail, my own epic fails, constant embarrassment a feature of the way i've learned because i tend to do whatever i feel like doing not what some think is ok and on this day i spotted that i'm not used to lights, the sights and sounds of towns, the frowns, the clowns, the drunken, the old, the fucked, the down on their luck, the sirens, the violence, i'm used to the country, nature and the silence