Lately

Every Monday night i have been sitting and attuning to the energy of divine love
I sit there and say the prayer I have prepared and then I allow it through me
Thinking of those who are a member of my healing group on facebook
Remembering anyone who has been on my mind recently suffering
Trying to let whoever is in need to connect through my intention
Allowing myself to empty inside and then to be full of love
Let that be the way and make myself a better conduit
Treat my body with respect and others of course
Although I was reminded to drink Guinness
So I've given myself that one little perk
Whilst removing addictions more
No gluten or dairy produce
No animals are harmed
I live and go deep
Inside a well
My will
Love
Jon
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smiling more

some days i live in a different world where all the problems are no longer an issue, there are no chemtrails just blue skies and in some ways that is what is really happening personally i am in the world that i align myself with

some might say that is what is happening worldwide too then, we are dreaming up the world we take with us, carrying it around and passing it on to others, that's why i won't let your mood affect mine if I can help it, but smile more

negative ninny positive pinny

was programmed by books and tv

people well they were scary to me

so i backed right off into the trees

to learn from the birds n the bees

what i discovered was terrible but true

i couldnt trust what was coming from you

cos there's something awful that all of ya do

you lie to yourselves first and then what dya do?

you go around feeling one thing and saying another

you speak from your thoughts to your sistas and brothers

don't feel the difference that some can when with one another

them who speak from their hearts to whoever from whichever mother

this grass that i lay on and speak from aint green

it's lost all it's chlorophyll and lovely shiny sheen

cos i've shat on it turned it a nasty old brown

and over the years earnt this perma frown

but what i say now comes from a place of truth

i wish for you all to learn how to raise the roof

we need to come together n we are bit by bit

i'll clean up mine and help you with your shit

this world is our home n our cradle n grave

it only takes one of us to begin t' be brave

that soon takes its toll n so does our work

i know its often as though we are the jerk

but one day you'll see as i do that it's worth it

to stand outside normal society and shirk it

they're all just as scared as was lil ol' me

to clean up my act go green and free

but just like the saying goes love conquers all

so it seems like a very old habits aching to fall

and that fool inside dies every time i act truly

as that part of me failing becomes less unruly

its' lies like those first lines seem petty and small

they don't ring so true now i'm getting things right

i'll keep on doing what i sense to be good for us all

maybe one day my grass will be greener and bright

it came to me

Woke up yesterday and this came to me...   Life is not so much a mystery to be solved, is not only even a story to be told. It's much more a miracle to behold and a love to be felt to come back into the fold.

Life Review

I  heard that when you die you have a life review and phew that sounds like what I've been through.  I was visited by parts of myself, people from my past, memories and seeing events again more clearly, going over my life in terms of blame and shame and guilt and over the hours, days and weeks into the months as I came out of it I realised that some of it was true, some of it made up by me, some of it maybe even by someone else, you see I've been on this journey for a few years, how far back do I go?  I don't know, let's say 2009 when I chanted the Maha Mantra for the waking hours of seven days and that night went to bed on red wine, half a bottle nothing major mind you, but when I woke up at 2am or thereabouts I heard a female voice, now let's put this into context, that was at the end of the first week I had been completely free of marijuana in years, or at least since the only time I was free of a smoke of high strength cannabis was on holidays abroad back in the day that was my only time without it in my system, so this voice says you are unique but nothing special, you're a link in a chain, a cog in a machine, softening over the years into a thread in an elven rope, a part of a greater whole that will experience and get done what it means to with or without me, my help, my involvement, so there's that whole chapter, before that i was pretty sure I was going to be approached by the illuminati, kidnapped and indoctrinated by them whilst visiting Mont Segur, or the cave paintings of the south of france, or maybe even just pretend to be one of them and destroy them from the inside out and leave free.

I know what that stuff does to you over time, I'm glad I don't use it anymore, and it doesn't use me to spread insanity throughout the world but mostly leading me to daft and unwise adventures, of mind and body too.

So, back to the life review, here I saw the things I've done in clearer terms, I know the difficulty folks who have chosen to become unconcious face when they decide they no longer want to be numb, blind, deaf and generally unaware of the world around them, it worked for me for many years, to save me from joining in, I watched as my friends coupled up, got married, had kids, all things I was terrified to fail at having had very little experience, terrible communication skills, you can create a self fulfilling prophesy if you so wish and make it last forever and a day, or at least until your last, I always favoured acting when absolutely necessary, when force into action, it leads to some anxiety because by that time your back is against the wall, I let others handle a lot of things I would have been better getting some experience in too, confidence and learning a lot about life, you all make it seem so easy and I was afraid to ask, because intimacy is even more scary, even conversation but I don't want to go over old ground too often, in the past I said I never repeated myself but I know that I've been circling this airport  for a while and going over and over and same subjects i hope it's not too boring for whoever it is who reads this, for me it's a necessity, to write what wants to come out and finish something, I was never that good at that either, with several books on the go at once, lists of things to do.

That never got done, but I did first aid, self defence, pushed myself out the door to avebury and revelled in the company of strangers because I could dip in and explore on my own terms, be more open, courageous without those i knew around, the freedom to be me felt good, and so hearing about this pilgrimage thing in spain I jumped at the chance to explore and the money came around, the time to do it and so I got there.

To me it's been like dying while i'm alive, so that I can face myself too, an honest appraisal of who i am, who i have been, who i choose to be in the future, what i plan for my body, mind and everything else whatever there is, because my spiritual life is important to me, the rabbit hole still beckons so I have to peer further.

Does it flash before our eyes when we are in a close shave, a near miss, some have had near death experiences and I know I am probably more interested in this that some others, who would rather only face this stuff when the time comes, not me, bardo, between sleep and waking, life and death I am looking.

The abyss beckons, if there is nothing after this, or something, heaven, other planes of existence, a return to this world or another, I've seen and experienced things in the last year alone that would make most peoples hair curl, I wonder just how much of my experiences were created by me, from what I have heard about?

How much of it was authentic, there already waiting to be seen, felt, smelt, tasted and touched, sensed.

Outside of the norm, the normal life of just working and sleeping seems so boring to me, I want to explore, but I honour that others would rather watch t.v. live their lives with others, when I am doing more of that.

Connecting, healing, doing healing, last night for instance after church I stayed behind to give healing to a guy who has a bad back and always comes to see my teacher for a healing, so I attended and helped to send it.

We both worked to become like a lightning rod for energy to come from the other realms and be sent to this guys back, to work as a conduit, like a cosmic fuse between heaven and earth, so that's all positive really.

no pie eating humbly

i eat vegetables and cacao and nuts and i've been giving everything else the bums rush, no alcohol or other drugs, just air and water and like i said real food, i make myself, from scratch and there's no catch except that i've been experiencing my dreams and writing them down and i've learnt a thing or two from the period between being asleep and being awake, and being awake in my dreams, asleep during the day, dreaming awake, the hypnogogic and hypnopompic realms and what i learned was that the dreams i dream at night are mine, they are projections of my conciousness, a place i make, i create, and that means to me that everybody, is projecting this world as we are wandering around together in the day, i don't mean to persuade or sway anyone else, just wanting to explain because that means we can choose to project whatever we like onto this world, by being loving we start to see a different version, a different self, a different you, a different me, by being positive, by being concious, by doing due diligence, by deciding to go for gold, aim higher, be better i can improve the bit around here and so can you, ignore what's going on before it gets you down, turn that frown upside up, do your best, see what happens when you do, smile, laugh, love, live, that's it