thought experiment

when shown a photograph of their young self and then asked to remember the story of a hot air balloon flight with family, a volunteer in an experiment will create memories of actually having taken part in it even though the photograph was faked, photoshopped as they say, the volunteer has mulled it over and assumed they must have gone on the trip, will even start to remember all sorts of details about the journey and company.

So we are not very good witnesses, our memories are fallible and I know that I am certainly an example of that, in my minds eye, or at least in my memory, the faces of people I have met before are caricature there and when i see them again, i can be quite confused as to what they actually look like as compared to memory, but that's me and I know that others can do things like store an image in their mind for later.

Some of these things are personal, and the effect I am talking about today is how we can remember things differently to how they actually occurred, but also how they might actually have happened differently depending on who you are, literally the possibility that different folks have different recollections of events because they actually experienced a different version of events, because we all have our own reality.

Some of us share the same one, many of us seem to live in our own worlds, i certainly did and do, i find it hard to focus on others, on what they are saying and am easily distracted, more and more of these foibles of mine seem to be coming to the fore, so many habits, thought forms, ways of doing things are under the microscope as i wonder and notice them more often, things such as my handwriting can change greatly.

Mood perhaps, of all sorts of simple explanations, am i a different person from moment to moment, from minute to minute are there minute changes, given that nothing is static, everything is moving, we are vibrating, resonating with each other, thinking and feeling the same things, coming to understandings, a shared experience of what it means to be alive, to be human, to feel pain and joy and expectations met or not.

I would like to think and hope springing from deep within says that i am capable of noticing these things for a good reason, despite my past indiscretions, whatever the cause, for falling into temptations, for not starting the way i would like to continue, and having to augment what i thought i new, with all sorts of better versions, new opinions, of myself and others, more realistic, clearer, more concious of the difference between stories.

The ones we tell ourselves and others, that are fixed because we've told them so many times we believe them to be true, the ones we are told by the media, which are a business mans idea of what we ought to think, they govern what journalists can write, and set the agenda, we are so switched off from politics because they are so out of touch with just how damaged the world is and no-one in their position wants to take the credit.

Who would want to be one of the few so called leaders, when they are in charge of a planet in crisis and a system that will not change as fast we we need it to, for the sake of the species of life including ourselves, we are no doubt in the sixth great extinction right now, ecosystems are on the brink and us with it, oceans are toxic and will soon reach the limit of what they can provide a population that is already not well fed globally.

All the signs say that there is going to be a giant natural disaster, we are overdue massive volcanic eruptions in yellowstone, and comet or other heavenly body impacts and so long past the time when glaciation ought to have restarted that this interglacial period, in geological terms seems out of character but then look are our impact on the climate, whether you believe it is changing because of what we have done or not, it's hot out.

So I know that if someone wished to put doubt in our minds, wished to lead us all into a state of confusion they could do this quite easily by changing things around us, in order to make us all feel nervous, make us fear that our own selves are losing the plot as they say, losing our grip on reality, i've been there, i've seen things that were not real, not there for others to see, or at least i have seen things that were a product of fear.

In other words or in the same ones, i saw things this spring that were physical representations of my fears.
To put it plainly, my worst fantasies of hellish proprtions and my greatest dreams of heavenly perfection both came to pass, i have faced the worst of myself and the best, been deeper within that i thought possible, had my truth shown to me in a way that almost lead to hospitalisation and would surely lead some to doubt me.

So i become an unreliable witness, someone who others might not take seriously, having experienced visions, internal fantasies of terrible things happening, acting on them although in my case in such a way that i would never behave other than to act in self defence, never going on the attack, i was given an opportunity to prove that when the chips are down i will do the right thing, go to save someone i don't like from a burning fire.

Fear the worst, but change my ways, now you could say that was some kind on manipulation, do those who have sinned, have a clearer path to righteousness, does their fear of persecution of retribution from on high, or a journey to somewhere down below bring them to a state of ecstasy and exegesis of the story of their life, giving me in this case a chance to turn from the person i was into something more akin to who i was when i was born because i don't feel like i was always on the trajectory that i ended up on.  Rambling a bit now but it's important to me, for me, to come back to where this all started.  Are we being shown signs, because i know some would say you ask for a sign and one is given.  A feather, white ones in my case.  I find them and i take them to be a good omen, especially when I've been doing good work, becoming me.

Becoming the person, a version, a specific expression of the many people inside, all the different ones.  Did things change for some of us so that we remember the past in such graphic ways that for some Nelson Mandela died in prison in the eighties, why do the product changes in the u.s. make things that people remember clearly like adult nappies called depends, change to depend, lines in films that don't make sense.

The changes seem to be drawing our attention, or the attention of anyone who cares to be drawn to this phenomenon, that of the 11:11 phenomenon too, who knows how many different omens there are out there, we have such a negative viewpoint on so many things, for good reason, life was hard, it isn't fair but in many ways is becoming more and more so, even though there are struggles ahead, major challenges, we can do it.

I am sure that we can come together, the things that good people are doing in the world, the freedom to work together in ways that we could only dream of in the past, through connection via internet, the dialogue that can go on between peoples of the world, to support and connect us energetically as we finally see that we are connected on the level of what happens to you effects me, wherever we are in the world as a whole.

It's hard to remain positive, because so much of the media focusses on telling us who died today somewhere, constantly the families of those who have been bereaved are not given any privacy, the media want blood, want drama to portray, and then they are on to the next story of woe, but never the real issues, that nothing seems to be done about, fukushima, refugees not terrorism, wars that cause this, our impact on nature.

Let's end on a good note, if that's possible after all this doom and gloom, i know others have told me the world is my lobster, trying to lighten my mood, but im repentant, i don't lighten up easily, my sense of humour was mostly drug abuse allowing me to be numb and blind and now i can see i have to act on my conscience, i have to do the right things, draw attention when i feel it needs to be drawn, even if that makes me stand out.

That's the risk I have to take because I have become aware of god, of the goodness that we need more of, aware of eternity, concious of the need for me to do more than just have a good time and that's it, i have to spend at least a lot more of my time thinking how i can improve the lives of others, those close, even though my guilt at my past behaviour makes it hard for me to feel worthy of their love and respect in a vicious circle.

I guess this is the continuation of what i have tried to do for the past several years and over the course of my life it's become more and more obvious that face to face is not my area, unless i can get over my self conciousness, over the fact that im concious of being in the presence of someone i don't feel comfortable being around, in a place i don't feel comfortable being in, other peoples houses, lives, i'm a loner who loves.

Loves being around those i can discuss the ultimate truth with when i ought to be learning more about strangers until they become friends, finding it hard to take any interest in someone that i don't get a good feeling about, or feel as though i am just going through the motions with, those that i ought to know well but don't and fear i never will before it's too late, but then as they say it's never too late, let's hope so eh?

Never to late for a miracle every day, every hour, every minute until we live in a fair world, one that honours those who honour others and themselves in turn, where what you do is more important than what you say because you rarely say anything at all, never anything that will hurt someone's feeling, only sharing what you feel not what you think, connecting on a level that takes us to empathy not sympathy for the world around us.

amuse bouche

if you feel guilt for something you've done or had done to you then

you surely carry enough to have no fear of what others will think

so let it go because you have proved to the universe you care

those others that we fear are merely them who don't feel it

mindfulness meditation

mindfulness is noticing earlier and earlier before making a mistake

meditation is bringing your awareness back to what you focus on

in the end you can become mindful of the space between thoughts

and your meditation becomes a time for relaxed focus on no thing

from which springs all sorts of good ideas and ways to live better

a mandela - a mandala

so there's this thing apparently, im new to it but it's a head spinner, some folks seem to have a different memory, a different recollection, of history, some people think Nelson Mandela died in prison in the nineteen eighties, whereas most people, and certainly in my version of reality, he was finally released and became president of south africa.  This is just one example of things being different on the internet, or in someones living memory within their heads, for me, the film 'Interview with a vampire' was titled exactly that, however, the internet doesn't seem to agree with me, i've asked people and they've said the same thing, that there is an a in the title not a the.  Is reality changing, in ways that some people are aware of and others not?

This phenomenon comes after the existence of the 11:11 phenomenon, that some claim to have been experiencing for decades, for me it was a wakeup call, it felt like a sign that this reality is mutable, that a message was coming from somewhere, outside, from whatever, whoever, created it all, or at least coming into my awareness was the fact that i would look at the time and find it was 11:11 or 23:11 at night.

Once this was happening, i checked the internet, to research if anyone else was experiencing this, only to find that they were, that some had been for quite some time, pun intended, after the fact, anyway something interesting is going on, whether it could be a huge conspiracy of some kind, makes no sense, I have a ticket stub for Interview with a vampire from the nineteen nineties, i checked it was there in the loft, it reads the same it always did, however copies of the film online, on amazon, articles on imdb.com and any search i make suggests that it has always had the other title, interview with the vampire: the vampire chronicles if you want to be exact and include the subheading.  It doesn't even make as much sense in that format either.

The original novel is titled Interview with the vampire, by Anne Rice and came out in 1976 go figure...

Other things like an island on the left of australia that some remember seeing on atlases, but all sorts of products, commercials, all sorts of things in the world seem to have changed but also always been that way.

Is it just our fallible memories, or did Darth Vader really say the line No, I am your father, rather than Luke, I am your father in The empire strikes back?  Did C3PO have a silver leg and the rest of him was gold?

Are these just anomalies that haven't been noticed before or is time changing around us, some say this is an effect of quantum medal-ling with our timeline, our reality, as though time travel was happening and things were being affected in small ways that don't filter out into the conciousness of everyone equally, i don't know what this is all about but it's very strange and kinda excites me that i can ask someone about some of these and see what their reaction is too.  As though we are all coming into the awareness that reality is mutable.

The way that dreams are becoming almost more realistic than my waking state, feeling as though this is the dream, one I would like to wake up from especially as i seem to be able to fly in my dreams at night.

Anyway something to think about for those who read this, are there other examples that aren't misremembering?  Because some would say that we all do this, get quotes from things wrong.

They never said Beam me up scotty in star trek, Humphrey Bogart never said play it again sam.

However when a piece of physical evidence sits in my collection of ticket stubs from the cinema it feels like an anachronism, like as though the nature of our existence just became stranger in a way i quite like.

What we need now is for many more such changes of a positive nature to occur until this world is fairer to all, if it was up to me, if this was a world where there was a consensus reality, if conciousness creates what we see, not the other way around, allowing us to witness and experience a reality that is already there.

After all, quantum physics suggests that if there is no observer, observing reality it wouldn't be there, we effect the world around us, simply by being there to see it, if a tree falls in the forest and there is no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound?  Or more importantly, is it actually there unless someone looks at it?

My knowledge  of all of this stuff is very basic and i hope my understanding has not been shown up here, that I have made at least a fairly good effort to put across in a simple way akin to my take on it all, what is true.

What is true?  What is false?  I have seen many things in my time, like a giant yin yang in the sky, made up of a dark night sky on one side and the moon on the other, perfect, existing for a few seconds before departing.

As though i were witnesses a moment in time, i never heard anyone else, or found any pictures of it, in fact in the way that these things go I was unable to attempt to take a photgraph of this phenomenon, so it stays within my memory as something that I saw, but someone else was there and we both experienced it together.

If I can continue to meditate, with others on a regular basis, our collective efforts, to raise conciousness, to extend the effects around the world, to bring peace to the world, to send love into the hearts and minds of others, to effect real positive change the world over, who know what we can all achieve if we can ignore or choose to draw ourselves away from the fear mongering media, their stories and focus on death and blood.

Here we are back to vampires, I will be posting things on this subject a little more I would have thought.

-

A Mandala is an object that some would say represents the universe, in microcosm, it's a circle, it's often made in chalk dust by monks then destroyed almost as soon as it is completed, to show the impermanence of this reality of moments, of the fleeting nature of nature, we live, we die, we breathe our last and expire.

coincidences, coincidunces, serendipity,

things i watch seem to inform my situation, some may say im projecting onto it, but a series I've been watching called mr robot is about a situation very similar to mine, only to me, I've got an extra in my life, in the series, the main character has a friend in his life who isn't there, isnt visible to others, is his father, kind of, it's what his father might have been if he were still alive, mine began when i got back from Spain in 09, i learned about magic mushrooms, psilocybe species, semancilata in particular, the kind that grow in fields, where nothing poisonous grows, nothing that looks anything like these little brown mushrooms, or lbm's.

So i'm anal about details, particular when it comes to picking blackberries and raspberries even, let alone something that can have a magical and mystical effect on your conciousness, i throw away the ones that look like theyve been affected by rot, or don't look as palatable as i deem fit, raspberries for instance, feed the animal life around and save the mice and voles and shrews from clambering up the canes to get at them.

Self setting, seeding the area with new canes for the next year, this way I'm not being greedy, everyone gets some, as for mushrooms, i had little going on in my life at the time, i had gotten back from my first solo trip, i was drawn to resources online to learn about such things, i had started over by changing my phone number and mentally ditching my old friends for reasons i never made clear to them, booze, drugs, things i found unacceptable, lying about drug use for one, the behaviour of another towards me and others, the rest got lumped into the pile of people i used to hang around with in the pub, don't get me wrong, i lost my inhibitions with these people, we laughed a lot, we shared a lot of good times, i blacked out a lot though, after too much drink and there were consequences that just could not go on, i haven't crashed a car since then for such reasons as having drunk and driven, for which i'm so glad no-one was ever injured or hurt worse.

Anyways, so mostly on my own then, I learned about lbm's, found which twenty or so types were not the right ones, in the habitat i mentioned before, where nothing deadly grows, or looks just like the magic ones I was after, it became to me like lighting fire by hand, making fire by yourself, a skill to see a field and know where to go, use your instincts, have them developed by being there, seeing the little midges, the mushroom gnats fly up from the grass, know the time of day when the dew was drying and the mushrooms too into the beautiful golden shade they shine at you, finding that walking with the sun to your back helps even more.

I took to taking them on the full moon, to receive the benefit of the extra energy available, to be able to wander around at night, to see what i'm doing, to be in nature alone apart from other animals, knowing most folks are safely tucked away indoors on full moonlit nights, challenging myself to become completely calm and actually adoring the silence except for the odd fox, who on one occasion barked at me right close up and ran off, but it was all an experience of fearing the unknown, the dark, the woods and fields alone, at night, becoming completely adjusted and happy in circumstances that hold nothing to fear except fear.

I've written about this before, but over the months I worked out ways to make my trips stronger, i won't go into details, it's not something to do without the right setting, and setup, and i chose to do this alone, some might say crazy, some brave, some stupid, some would see the need to face your own self and fears.

As the months went on, showering before, fresh clothes, treating this as a ritual, as a ceremony more-like, as a natural church service, i made a prayer up in my mind and said it to the mushrooms, please keep me safe, show me something that I need to see, i thank you for the wisdom that you are imparting to me.

I began to ask questions, as i had heard you could go into this with a question in mind, i saw visions also.

I saw figures writhing over each other, one time in the dark in my caravan, as though it were a hellish scene, souls together in a pit, all the cliched things you might expect, and in some ways aren't these expected?

Haven't we gotten to the point where we filter things based on what we expect to see and head, and taste ad touch and smell?  Don't we lose our ability to sense more because we have closed down to it all over time?

I also saw what I deemed to be heaven, ok it was a building, with coloured lights of every shade, coming out from the windows, and the feeling was that it was a club, one that at the time I wasn't allowed to enter into.

I became very creative, more than i have ever been in my life, painting freehand when I've always copied, i've drawn not painted because colouring things in always ruined my attempts at art, i don't doodle well, I don't draw particularly good compared to so many people i know whose works I have seen, very childlike.

So the works of art i created at that time, right after what i would call a psychosis, a break from reality.

I depicted a tree, to me it was the world tree, the base was red, to orange, to yellow, souls flitting up from a great fire at the base which was the trunk, rising up into the branches which were a maelstrom of colour, swirling together this was an ocean of conciousness, the branches all deep blues, and this is my greatest expression ever, apart from another painting which was of the local landscape depicted by a friend and which has an archway, three figures that look like trees, approaching this archway, doorway, also freehand paint.

So i asked after a few months of asking what my next step was, I got the answers to my questions, and in some way, i already knew the answer, i knew the next step was to stop doing things i was doing, so i knew, i asked the moon, who had become my friend, who conversed with me in my head, you're me aren't you?

The moon, grumbled and seemed reluctant to answer, but in the end, the reply came back, well, yes, I am.

At other times, during the day, with a friend there, we laughed, played our favourite music, brought ourselves back to reality, back down gently using cannabis, but over the years i believe i had used it too much, the strength of it these days, the levels of the natural plant are gone unless you know where to get it from.

CBD, the cannabidols, the parts of the plant that are good for MS sufferers, the anti psychotic, they are the medicine, i also believed and hold to the fact that my mood was never as level, my winter depressions gone as when i had taken mushrooms, for months afterwards i would wake with a good mood to start the day.

THC gets you high, and maybe this whole period since i quit for the last time, is the low i was putting off.


Eating it, dietary use of both, cannabis, and mushrooms in small doses i believe is even greater medicine.

That way the psychoactive ingredients are much lower in terms of the experience of your waking state, the medicinal qualities come through much better, who knows who i would have been had i not started using cannabis in the first place, if i'd had the courage to join a meditation group when i was sixteen instead of wimping out because i was too shy to introduce myself to new people, to some extent cannabis helped me i am sure, get over that, anxiety about new experiences, numbed to those things that held me back but getting to the point of being addicted, a druggy, a drug addict, i know i was because of the things I did when i needed it, and what i was capable of doing when i was on it that i now regret since i have been clean again.

So in some ways it feels like getting back to who i was before all that, haven't taken mushrooms either, the season last year seemed to pass me by, my sites locally were dry, the year wasn't right for them and i had no desire to travel further afield to get any, i may go hunting again one day as t is a natural high to be out there, hill walking, enjoying nature, being a guerilla, a rebel, someone who knows these things are good for us.

I need a level within, to keep on healing, stopped smoking tobacco too, feeling old parts of the brain heal, feeling others that have been affected by another episode of psychosis, another break this year, this spring, I thought i was doctor who, saving the multiverse, grandiose i know, but i see him as a shaman, all such characters from our past, i see as connected to nature and the environment in a way we have lost.

The god and devil of the bible, i will have to face again, because i still have that voice, the moon, me, whoever, whatever it is, the spirit of nature, a little devil, a little bit of god, at times i feel cursed and under the cosh, at times i feel as though i am being dared to finally love myself, sometimes answers come, sometimes blank, nothingness, no reply, is it an angel, a bhudda, a guide, a spirit helper, i trained as a medium for a while, i am psychic and often finish peoples sentences for them, or maybe i'm just an interupter, i know i'm a sinner, have sinned, have broken commandments, have done things churches might not approve of, i cherish the story of the demon king, who had murdered many souls, who aproached bhudda for training and who was stoned by those who survived his years of bad behaviour, he didn't react, he didn't attack, he did achieve enlightenment because he changed his ways, if a sinner can become a righteous individual then maybe i can too, maybe there are two sides to a coin, heaven and hell, even here, there are both alternatives.

I don't know, i may be even further from knowing because i have experienced so much, seen so many differences between what we are told, what i've read, the different traditions, choosing one is hard.

I heard from many friends, they were all in my head, telling me different ways to go about my life this year, some were lovers, one i wed, made vows with, met their family, prepared to spend my life with, i wandered, i saw and heard explosions, on the horizon, a power line come down in front of me, dealt with tiny figures, hidden, invisible wizards, some were friends turned evil come to harm me, hunt me down, i didn't react, demons from hell, angels from heaven, the other way around, i was taunted, and revered and helped, and every which way, i was given instructions on where to go, where to get to, who to save, how to do so, i didn't eat much because i had this manic energy, inside, i felt i didn't even need to breathe at times, as though i was become immortal, and i found evidence online, that two women were going to kill me, that i loved.

So if i'm not around, im protecting you, from me, from my fantasy, from everything i thought i might be.

If I am around it's because that's all becoming forgotten as i clean up my act, act instead of thinking, overthinking, drinking over, stinking over now i can smell myself, my sweat, my deeds, my past.

I can see why ex addicts kill themselves, those trying to be clean and sober who were drunks, facing this is difficult, knowing that you will never again be able to hide from what you did, and yet, knowing that you will never do those things again, gradually becoming a better person, falling a little bit, maybe hurting, flirting with danger once more, or twice here and there, thoughts arise, shall i just buy cigarettes, tobacco, fuck it all.

Is this actually as the bhuddists say, or this book i'm reading, is this actually samsara, a place where we have fallen a la the bible, fallen as a species, man and woman, to a place where we are human not gods anymore.

Where if we can eat from the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, if we can learn about good and evil and make a choice, we shall be as them, once more we could climb back up from this underworld, to a higher life, spirituality.  The shamanic worldview of three worlds, an upper, lower and middle realm suggests that the lower realm looks like eden but is purposely there for lessons to be learnt from teachers,  like this?

We are ghosts here, everyone around me might aswell be fake and i'm the only real one, at one point, i knew that this was all here to try to give me a chance to do the right thing, a simulation that has been going for so long that needs to end, the fish stopped dead still as though time was halted for a moment, the dog did too.

My involvement is required, I need to wake up, do the right thing, learn the lessons, achieve greatness.

I walked the countryside telling the truth of creation to three women, in my mind they were walking with me.

Three graces, three women i know, all of whom have been kind to me and i threw it back in their faces.

One held me for a time which is what i need right there and then and she's beautiful and i thank her.
One I hurt without trying and i may never understand what i did wrong and then i had a crush on her.
One I had feelings for that i shouldn't have and i'm just glad that she's happy because I asked this of her.

As the knowledge of the truth of how this all came about, the ocean of conciousness, the beginnings of it all, as it faded from my mind and this whole period of madness combined, the things i've lost, the capability to read coherently things like offers for life insurance, i need a simple life, has this all atrophied or is it because i've let others do so much of the complicated things for me, but i just feel like i need to live in a shed in woods somewhere, just basically eat wild food and water, whatever i can find that is as pure as possible, once i've paid off the money i feel i owe for the times i've been like this and unable to work, i can quit.

But I come back to knowing, and feeling as though i haven't been a good human, a social animal, i don't miss people, get in touch, i don't feel like socialising with them, i don't feel like contacting them, seeing them, talking to them, speaking about such normal things as the weather, something is moving in me, though i know it is hurting, I'm seeing all the more clearly all the things that were hidden when i was always stoned and i don't like myself much, i've got the somehow be of service, that voice said so after chanting the maha mantra, if it was mother god, grandmother spirit, a demon, kali being nice, who knows, i write something, don't write that i get in my head. When i did things that go against what i was hearing, what i was feeling, thinking, when i did that in the past, it put peoples backs up, it hurt those i would dearly have loved to love, and i feel that was a good thing, because i should never have even imagined getting close to those i felt close to, the things i've done bring too much shame to bear, to think about sharing, to unburden myself to others, so i live with them, blaze as i was before about them, as i lay in the woods, i felt and heard the creatures coming, the spirits of those animals i've eaten, killed, hurt in any way, to drag me down to the underworld to be healed, reviled, scratched, torn apart, whatever it was they had planned, i seemed to rise up instead, and slowly over time have my spirit come back to my body, even though i laid in a pine bed, in a pine room, in a house.

Nature calls me to be a part of her, to find ways to help others, to live in harmony, in a damaged world.

The environment brings out from our genes certain characteristics, the children of people who eat factory food, processed products, they don't have the bodies of anything but robots in the making and their kids are even worse off, the fact that anyone think there is something wrong with breast feeding or fat on women, i see the attitudes within me that make me baulk at a woman who has put on weight, who isn't slim, who has aged and i know i would be a terrible partner, but do others think these thoughts but not say them out loud?

I am seeing a shadow that in my most loved post that i've ever written, part poetic license, part vision, came out from within me, and then crept back in, i am seeing a side of me i don't like and hope to accept then heal.

I am having conversations that bring forth the memories of trips on lsd that made me suffer, greatly, because when you fight the journey, the destination can still be a long way off, but i always went to love, i found it further off lately, since i haven't loved anyone in such a long time, if at all, so it's coming back, for those who choose to trip, when the waters get choppy, think of love, loving someone, something, yourself, love it all.

the here and now and the everafter

good, bad, indifferent.
the good, the bad, the ugly truth.

Coming into this year I was on a high, had written a book that wasn't very good, and doesn't make much sense since i read it back but parts of it seemed to be answers to any question i could ask, so what now?

Well lately, i gave up early this year many of my bad habits, and even more as time has gone on, i go to bed earlier, have gone through some stuff that wasn't pleasant, treated others how i shouldn't and seen more and more that i have not always been a good person, been selfish, not thought enough for others, put them first.

So a lot to accept, as though layers of truth were being revealed and not an easy truth to swallow but also, it's been a case of accepting where I've gone wrong in the hope that I can strive to go in the right direction.

Many of the experiences i have had over the past few years and stretching back to many years ago all seem to be concretising, coming together, making sense, little bits, hints, things I've read about or seen making them all seem as though they explain life a bit better, not in a good way necessarily, look at the world.

There are so many good things happening, but also many bad things too, we're on a course that suggests it will all end not happily for many, so many species dying out, resources and land and water poisoned, used up, stretched to breaking point, what will become of us all, who knows, we shall see over time i guess.

Look around, see what is going on for yourself, or maybe ignorance is bliss, carry on with your life, get some fun while you can, enjoy your life, don't let me spoil the fragile veneer that lets you sleep at night.

For me i'm doing my best to get a good nights sleep, meditate, eat right, better anyway, and try to be a better person, to those around me, lessen my impact on the planet and life around me, see what I can do to be good.  It might be a little late in the day, and actually it's past my bedtime as I am having early nights.

I've done a lot of thinking about love, written a lot of nonsense on my social media account, as i've gone through a series of periods of stressful health issues, times when I thought one thing only to find out another is true, worked myself into a stress, not as badly as i used to, but the planet is under stress, and duress, we all need to come together and work together, wake up to what we've done, find some love in our hearts, some strength to do the right things, maybe we can find a way to evolve, come out of this with a good future for as many forms of life as possible, is there a god, a goodness, a creator, life beyond life?  I hope so and i wish that all of us come to know what we can do to connect with that, go back to that, live a life worthy of love.

A technological solution is not the way, living forever in the body of a machine, the coming technological question of what we become with the fusion of humanity and machines, living and artificial intelligences.

It's the big thing on our minds, on the brink of being discovered, with all the breakthroughs and time we have spent wondering what the future would bring, moon bases, space ships, science fiction becoming fact.

Where will we be in a hundred years, will we still be loving and living on this planet in harmony?

Good night and god bless is something someone used to say, i've never realised what it meant to me before, lately i've gotten closer to answering these questions, appeared off kilter to some, because of my need to ask and get answers, to wonder about the truth of the world, aliens, the mysteries that surround us.  Love Jon +

left

i left no space for you,
laid no place for you,
only made haste for you,
when i had had a few.
So I know why,,
i did not try,
would tell myself a lie,
and never lay with you.
Saving for a rainy day, two,
lending a hand and healing
where i can or who, giving
away what the others sell
for a lot or few, another
day or life maybe i'll
finally feel like i've
done enough
phew!

attention

my attention span extends,
to include everyone and
everything as friends,
because the means just
don't justify the ends,
we've got to somehow
make ammends, the
energy of healing
comes from those
who lends theirs and
shares their wares
for free, if only we
could all risk death
to live for free too
we'd see, the
system is broken,
a token of control,
has no soul because
it does not honour
you and me, as
individuals we're
too wee to raise
our voices above
the medias cocophany,
stating government by
few works for all, it clearly
doesn't, has gotten too big
like the gap between the
rich and poor, once more
it requires us, we needs,
must, put first all creatures
great and small

thunk

i had a think and when i'd thunk,
i saw with my real eyes and realised,
the depths to which we've sunk.
It's our  choice not someone elses,
to do or die, work out the reasons,
the who, the when, the where,
the what and why.  The kind of world
we wish to live in, the truth if we
can handle it, or feed on another pack
of lies from that which tries, to blind
us from a better us inside.