I was always scared to shine too brightly
cos I didn't feel worthy of people's praise
and yes I shied away from testing myself
cos I felt like I'd always fail and be shown
up as the fraud I am, cos I dont deserve it
the compliments, the applause, they must
know that Im not a good person cos I don't
feel like one all of the time, i beat myself up
for something I've done then feel bad when
I feel good about something good that I did
cos it taints everything with a stink of failure
I have to be this hard on myself and stay away
from things and people that make me stray from
who I want to be, how i want to act, what I would like
my likes keep appearing as if by magic now that I know
that I am good, that I forgive myself for what I did or didnt do
I want to be myself and those that don't believe it, try to hold me back
because they cant or wont change and still cling on to the good
that I believe in that i know is in them but buried so deep
its only when they're forced to show it, that its ever there anymore
they disappoint me, hurt me and ignore me when it suits them
so I left and never looked back until now
and everything looks good
everyone in the light
of my new mindseye
where miracles happen
and my dreams come true
when I think of all the worries
all the times I thought I'd never
ever be able to be me and enjoy it
and not fall down all the time again
but it's here
I feel it
Love
Jon
x
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