So, long story short, or short story long, how do i carry on? Where to begin? Leaving full time employment. Going on 'holiday' for a week to ten days in Spain, in 2017 i did all this, left my life here in the UK and ended up on a seven month adventure, four months living in a community that we built and is continually reinventing itself on a Hippy Nudist Beach called Caleta Playa, just outside the village of Maro, Near the town of Nerja, an hour or two east of Malaga, so quite accesible if you wish to see for yourself.
We 'recycled' food from the supermarkets who brought it out every evening with the rubbish, and left it on top for us to go through, share between us all and then bring back to the beach to be used immediately the day after, cooked communally using utensils also recycled from the huge amounts of rubbish the tourists and residents throw away, because they have finished their holiday, or are just after a new something or other.
Consumerists leave a lot behind when they move on, or desire a change, so much unused, unwanted stuff, just left lying around, going to go into landfill or be burnt, brand new looking footwear, lots of clothes, much of which is female, so I got used to wearing trousers with the button on the other side, or tops that were a little small, or sharing with the person I was travelling with as we made our way north eventually.
Leaving that area was easy but staying was hard work, the heat of the south of Spain, the crazy lifestyle being hounded by the Guardia Civil Police, for reasons their own, they want to confiscate drugs to seel or smoke, they want to pressurise those they see as overstaying their welcome, afraid we might try to live there permanently, the tourist dollar / pound is all important and dirty smelly hippies stink up the place.
Leaving we moved on every day from empty buildings left like that after the recession of 2008, farmhouses and all sorts of places that were previously someones home, business, a nightclub that we explored with the sorts of things left behind that suggested a long history of recent drug use, all sorts of scary vibes in some places but generally a country estate for the taking and making use of temporarily.
Overnight stays in incredibly beautiful natural places, then on to Barcelona, the destination of those who get trapped there, by thieves who love to take passports for the criminal gangs to sell on, reuse, whatever. If you don't have family or friends or your own money you can't get new documents and you will end up living there for years, becoming naturalised if you're not careful or wish to, a prisoner.
We were lucky, we lived on the streets and were accepted by others who did so and not by their own choice, begging by looking thoroughly miserable is the option of choice for most, we chose fishing for donations, a stick, a string, a cup, put shiny coins inside, fish it out onto the pavement, see who gets the joke, smile a lot, because you're happy, and spend it on chocolate, coffee for our stove, whatever.
On to Belgium where my travelling companion and i went our separate ways, i felt the pressure to protect and see this very special person safely to their home, Belgium would have to do, I then headed to France, without a passport, it's not easy to do, persuaded the nice guy of the bus company to let me on the bus, he didn't want to, they get heavily fined for carrying someone without documents, the driver was fine.
So the French driver got me to calais, from there I walked to the ferry terminal and just the photocopy of my stolen passport and a smile I talked my way past the ferry saleswoman who told me to expect a grilling from the french and british transport police / customs / border guards. No such luck ;) actually the french guy just said go for it and waved me through, letting the British deal with this errant person.
The British just checked my details, I had a police report, made back in august before my passport expired and they gave me a piece of paper to show the british border force on the british mainland and i did so, being allowed to walk straight into Dover town and right up to and into a coffee shop / hostel, i had missed my original ferry but the timing was perfect, slip into bed, good nights sleep, early rising.
Walked to folkestone and hitched back to the area i grew up in, as i recall, anyway, travels and adventures over for this year? Nope, straight after christmas, go to visit Holland, and the person I had travelled with. Stayed for New Years Eve, the fireworks are nineteen seventees dangerous out there, kids losing hands, no health and safety, everything is down to the individual over on the continent so it's better.
Better because in Spain, in the Gaudi Garden, in the north of the city, you can clamber up onto a viewing mound, and stand there, no barrier, woman in high heels wants the perfect selfie, i am aghast and have to practise my balance but accept too that in europe you can do what you like without government nannying you all the time, they respect the rights of the individual to be an idiot or a genious and life their lives.
So early the following year 2018, and i'm remembering all this as i write it in some ways, so little time to process as they say today, or actually have flashbacks in a good way, and collate all this stuff in my mind and memory and heart, but basically once I had outstayed my welcome in a good way i believe, I was off, train booked back to amsterdam, expecting to go to france and ferry or fly home to the UK or whatever.
Nope, woke up and realised, decided, intended, what the flip? Why shouldn't I just go in the opposite direction and walk back to Spain? Do everything I've just learnt from the friend from Holland in reverse, walk and hitch down instead of up? So I did, not fancying the british winter, inbetween all this I had beeen lent a camper van, a half converted long wheel base LDV Convoy 15 seater Mini bus for my home.
When I had returned the first time, after the seven month adventure, it turned out my parents liked it that way, me not being there I mean, and I liked it too, so I had asked for someone to lend me their car or van, as many winter abroad and summer festival season, i was lent the van and it became my second new home, i consider the beach to have been my first new home, the only place i'd lived apart from my folks'.
So now I'm hitching and walking and bussing it through coutries, from Holland I walked from Amsterdam, got to Utrecht, lovely guy in the Shopping Centre bought me a meal while i charged my phone, lovely guy had dropped me at the shopping centre, lovely woman who is a singer in a band picks me up from the Thumb sign, literally a hitch hiking spot in Utrecht and takes me all the way to a castle near belgium.
So here I am, walking around the caves, wine cellar, party location, in a castle with a beautiful woman, who sings in a band, meet the band, who are there to entertain the staff of the hotel chain the castle is a part of, for their staff party, free glass of wine, free cups of coffee from the professional coffee machine, leaving while they play their gig, don't want to cramp their style, or be a hanger on i walk into belgium.
Liege and Belgium, a port on the river, giant concrete construction, giant boats, they really use their waterways in europe, finding a doorway, unused at least for now, I camp overnight, squatting various locations is a talent, I have learnt so much from my adventures last year, i put it all to good use, it's a balancing act between out right breaking and entering which would be wrong and staying where you can.
So, I find places all over, in cities is the hardest as there are so many people living on the streets, and I don't have time to make friends like we did in Barcelona, oh the time the pastries came in a dustbin bag from one of the cake shops and we could eat our fill of chocolate filled croisants and other things. But anyway, I make my way south, France is too big and samey for my liking so I bus from city to city.
Immigrants in Marseille a street from the Tourist hubub, they're going through a giant pile of clothes or waiting in a line for something outside an office, just a little way from me entering a well known fast food restaurant, picking up a receipt off the floor so I can get the code for the toilet and relieve myself and have a little wash while I'm at it, my hair is growing and so is my beard, on the advice of my dutch friend.
I love it, feeling the elements touching my skin, blowing what hair will grow on my head ;) and basically looking like i've been doing this for years, tanned, oh my the cities, toulouse, no the second largest after paris, Lyon, the third largest after paris, Marseille, i may have that transposed, the other way around. But my oh my, it's miserable to be seeing so many people enjoying themselves when you're on your own.
I get donations from time to time from family and friends so I can afford a meal, i have a stove, so I can make porridge, buy oats and dried fruits and nuts or similar so i have emergency food, i can eat like a king sometimes, two portions of paella in Nerja from an Irishman, because another homeless person didn't want it, I am not homeless, I'm a traveller in worlds you could never imagine but could visit.
If you tried, if you lived as I have lived, you could stand, never having felt so manly in your life, naked to the waist, looking up at the sun, seeing it as an emerald ball, hanging there on the densely packed tourist beach of Barcelona, with the love of your life, as the waves slowly rock you back and forth teaching you something about being with a woman, as you realise you are seeing with the eyes of your heart the truth.
Sunrise over the sea, naked, having whispered softly into my loves ear, wake up, you need to see this, as we enjoy the view of a lifetime, from the ledge of a cave, at the nudist end of a tourist beach, in a nature reserve, on the south east coast of Spain, close to where we've just harvested Amethyst from a vein in the rocks, having climbed down to a completely private beach, fishing for shell fish, living the life of riley.
I digress, so back to the travelling in this world, not the next or the one we can experience when we get our feet bare to the earth and sea, when we get ourselves bare to the sun, when we bathe in salt water, and relive our truest connection, when we eat wild and foraged, and free, where we love so easily, where we go from day to day, living wild and becoming the truest espression of a wild animals with a human heart.
I got to Spain, after a trip to Valencia, saving a German guy from loneliness and giving him an Iphone 4 so he can email friends and family and get his life back on track, he likes beer too much and finds it far too easy to just ask for what he needs, either directly or using a sign, like a ticket for the latest Christopher Nolan Epic, but again I digress, we helped each other, he knew where the library was, for free charging.
I got myself a replacment souvenir from a shop, and one for her too, put them somewhere safe and went on until I got to Spain, met up with friends and new people too, back into the swing on the hippy nudist beach again, but it's never the same the second time, never go back to an old job, rarely if ever anyway. However it was a nice time in some ways, my drum was gone, i had stashed it and it's gone forever.
My shamanic drum was birthed by a man who lived near hereford, when i first saw it, i fell in love, i borrowed it for a drum circle for the full moon, said I'll have that, and immediately went back the following week with my 80 quid for the drum and carrying bag, i took it to Spain after learning how to bring through shamanic drumming journeys, by doing it, and left it there as I had so much to carry.
I had to say goodbye, maybe someone has it, and it wasn't burnt with all the rest of the rubbish, i apologised to someone who deserved it, i fell asleep when i shouldn't, i met my german friends, who look after me so well, and we travelled far and wide, back to the amethsyt mountain and beach, to a gold mine that appeared in sergio corleone movies, to a volcano caldera where you can gather garnet in Almeria.
So the adventure keeps on moving and we go back north to Germany where I learn that, (oh I've forgotten Luxembourg, maybe more about later or before, a prequal post perhaps?) Germany and Germans are lush!
Kind, generous, beautiful people, barefoot in their village, my friend shares his home and garden house with me and i determine to build my own home and garden, and share these things with others from now.
I had a vision some years ago of the house that I would build, I haven't yet, but I'm so much closer, and land is starting to become available, near water, a spring is a must, a water source that can be drunk, rainwater collection for watering, gardens, medicinal, food, wild food foraging, temperate, i need wild garlic in the spring ;) all sorts of plans, no dreams are afoot watson! No games!!! Just living free...
So I go from there to Holland and become my friends birthday surprise, she's delighted and so is her boyrfriend and i stay long enough to be happy for them but need my space and to leave on a good note, I travel back to the UK and make my way back to where I was brought up, grew up, in the cotswolds again and heal and get ready for the next adventure, in fact it's a short stop over before I go to the NORTH!
The North of england, is new to me, I've been to Scotland once to visit an Aunt near Aberdeen but apart from that, business trips to Lincoln, Oldham, I don't really know much about the north but now i do, Love, they still call you love, they love a brew, get the kettle on, love chips peas and gravy, so did i, i even fancied it before I knew what was happening and the chippy in the village was my favourite place to go.
So as a country boy who had never done farm work, I learnt to drive a tractor, stack bales on a trailer myself up to seven or eight high and get them into the yard and barn without losing a single one! No more exclamation marks for a while, like swearing, i prefer to use them rarely or they lose their effect, strength. So the north? Great dentist, great friends, hard times in some ways but I learn about growing.
Organic Veg Gardens need to be hand dug, again and again, if you can't get it planted up immediately so we did, the little brother I made that year, which is only 2019 but feels more like a century ago, we dug and we dug and we weeded, out dock, out thistle, out buttercup, dig, weed, dig, plant finally, no fault of ours or anyones, but to turn this horse yard farm and hay growing machine into a healing retreat?
Not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, i wanted to build a little eco hut immediately on the old railway line, but instead, common sense and the local planners, given the closeness of Manchester prevailed and the manager, womanage actually, of the project was fields ahead and knew it all, in a good way, however suddenly I was expected to keep certain hours and do certain things on top of what i was.
I had fitted in here, was doing the washing up, the washing of the elderly uncle, cooking, making porridge in the mornings, lunch at hungry time, dinner at even hungrier time, walking the dog, house work, a little, appreciating my mum so much i called her i think, even though i dislike using the phone, always have, just to thank her for all the years she's cooked and cleaned and kept me in washed clothes and food and love.
So to be doing all that, and maintenance of the farm house garden, strimming and mowing, and farm work as and when it was required from the farm manager, and then to be asked to keep a timed work day, start at a specific time and do a certain number of hours aswell, well i wasn't prepared for this having finally gotten rid of an alarm clock a few years ago, and left permanent employment forever behind me.
I worked to rule for a little while, I was pissed of to say the least, I did not like it at all and I had to suck it up and get on with it, the farm owner is a friend, I had made a commitment to be there for the spring and summer and so I was going to have to like it and lump it until I could leave in september ish, so I did, we didn't manage to grow Micro Herbs for restaurants to make money to plough back into the project.
There is so much to learn, in a brand new polytunnel, which i also thought a horrible addition, finding birds, butterflies seen as a nuisance and a dragonfly stuck in there, I just hates the idea that nature was being trapped and made into bonsai herbs to sell in perfect little trays to posh knobs for a high price to sit down to a ponsey dinner in a overpriced restaurant so that we could make money off them to go eco...
Just didn't sit right with me but I loved the place, the people, the weed for weed scheme too much, a theme i have to say, over the years of travel marijuana has followed me around, on the beach it was why i needed to leave and why i'm so happy to say that when asked if i wanted to get out of there, I jumped at the chance, before I could get scared about travelling with an almost complete stranger I said YES!
On the farm there was a lot of ragwort and I could remove that to be paid in a bit of weed in return, this meant i could micro dose and have a good relationship with the medicine, a little smoke here and there, however the person providing it liked to make spliffs with about a gram or two in them and i would find myself so stoned after a toke or two, unable to resist the temptation that i could not speak or think.
I'll get on to how that has manifested in more recent times in a little while, but the quality and quantity of this medicinal plant and how it is used today, leaves a lot to be desired, we could be eating it, as a herb, as medicine, as a dietary suplement and benefitting but we choose to burn it, destroy the medicinal aspects to get a short term high, leasing to personal effects i am only too well versed in, to follow.
So, on and on, carry on, squat life, having no home to go to, meant that after the farm days, heady days of summer, memories that will live with me forever, I moved on, I can't go back to my folks, i have a caravan there but still, summers only, it's a metal box, not wind proof or rain proof exactly, not warm or heated, holes everywhere, a cold metal box in winter so i can't go there so I stayed in the squat scene.
Manchesta!!! Manchester is a lovely town, but also a hectic modern not paradise, full of homeless, i went to a shelter for them setup by the squat scene and immediately i needed to leave as I didn't feel safe, but with my friend the little brother I mentioned, I could live well, free electric, least said soonest mended, free water, free house, in fact we were squatting a pub called The Robin Hood at one point, freed up.
Stolen from the rich who wanted to turn it into apartments for the rich and gentrify the area, it was taken, and turned into a home, temporarily as commercial properties often are only squatted for a month, while court proceedings take place and then baliffs can come along and take it back for the owner, we don't damage the buildings, we don't break in, we don't damaged the property of the owner, in fact we live in it.
Art is made on the walls, they're going to be torn down or repainted anyway, listen to me justifying all this, but hey, it was a learning experience, one of many in the last few years, necessary, so that I can live anywhere, fit in anywhere, be comfortable in towns and cities when theyre the last places on earth I wanna live, but need to visit occasionally, the less often the better from my perspective going forward.
We lived in a few places, I would go off and come back, in the end one place was squatted long enough and I was around long enough to be considered for becoming a resident, in fact I was sitting around in 'my room' a little bigger than a cell upstairs, waiting for the verdict at the house meeting on whether I could stay, consider myself a tenant, wrong word, a member of the collective would be a better phraseology.
Anyway I was sitting there, waiting for them to discuss it between them, whether I could stay on a longer term basis, when there was a shout, Jon, where are you, what are you doing? House meeting time! So I went downstairs, only to be told not to be such a twat, of course I was already living there and part of the household, no decision to be made, come join the house meeting, and discuss things for the future.
We would hold partied in the buildings and raise money for things like making tshirts, to make more money, i made chocolate, which has become a thing I do, check out the post before this, and the video that shows you how to do it, lately I use licorice root in the melted coconut oil to sweeten it, then turn off the heat, add cocoa, or cacao powder if i can afford it, wait for it to set, no added sugar! What a result!!!
So we lived together, went out together, lived our own lives, went off for hours, days, work, weeks, whatever we could come and go, I learned a lot and decided it was not for me, as I love to travel and learn new things and see new people and places, constantly moving but having a base is my new normal and I hope for that to be the case for the rest of my life, however for now I'm still looking for a base.
We're up to the end of 2019 ish and Manchester behind me, holding a banner at the front of a march through town for XR, only having joined in because I was there, backpack in tow, meeting a friend i had first met on a beach in south east Spain, who was in the XR Samba band, dying outside Primark and Barclays and generally loving the Pink Boat and talks and meditation afterwards and here we are.
Fall 2019 I went to visit a friend in Poland, who had returned there after the Brexit vote, first trip to Poland, he'd been gone nearly or just over three years so it was a very welcome visit and reunion, a lovely place, beautifully friendly people, loved the mushroom soup in a purpose baked bread loaf and the mushrooms in the mountains, psychedelic and toxic amanita muscaria, more about that in another post?
Germany after Poland, hitching my way to see my german friends and medicinal guided journey there which I would have to speak to you about in person as it's very personal and indepth and wonderful and scary and needs to be heard about and known about and something you could only see for yourself but the little village life there is still amazing, recycling from the supermarket, they leave stuff lying around.
From there to Holland again, AGAIN, I know ;) but I needed to see my friend again and stay with another aquaintance who is now a friend also, and that's where I'm off next, but Holland was just a short stop before back to germany for a flight home from Berlin Airport and a little homeless life there, barefoot so the armed transit police left me to my own devices and finding war memorabilia in the woods and pigs.
Wild pigs are everywhere in europe, the germans have fenced off gardens to prevent them from entering and tearing up the place, i've been woken by piglets after my food with my friend, in the mountains above barcelona, seen them ahead of me onthe trail when i revisited that exact camp and area on my own, and then awoke for a piss, only to hear a troop of wild pigs approacing out of the pitch dark and lit a fire.
Wild dolphins, well, dolphins lets say, I saw them and needed to mention what a trip that was, surreal experience to be on the water, naked, with a naked german woman, on a paddle board, facing my fear bravely of being on the open ocean, padding out kneeling up, until we saw them jumping out to sea after the fish that the fishermen were also after, what a rush that was, by the third sighting i was a little bored.
Spring 2020 you know the rest, I was locked down, up, in the north west corner of Wales, near Bangor in a Pirate Ship themed retreat centre in an old Chapel, in the foothills of Snowdonia National Park, 9 miles as the crow flies from yr wyddfa, Mount Snowdon, and in sight of the sunset over the ocean this time, doing healing work for the people i was staying with, eating amazing food, and living free here again.
I paid what I could towards my keep, but only took a couple of bike rides out, down to the sea, all the way free wheeling, and then arduous walking and pushing and riding back up to the foothills, to a little village, learning a little of the language, making daily meditation videos using the fast internet, learning more about living in community, learning about why certain people annoy you and healing from that.
Learning enough about someone in a situation where you can't leave so you get on after all, why they deal with certain things certain ways, is it you, is it them, are you a release or is it the situation causing the stress or discomfort, eating well, a few walks, to Cae Mabon a place so beautiful with little houses built in different styles using different alternative building materials from hempcrete to straw bale, roundhouse.
Learning more about wild food, but not much, just gathering nettles to make soup, making cakes a lot more succesfully than ever before because I actually used recipes from a vegan cookbook, using an apple as egg replacement, fruit juice instead of milk, all sorts of shenanigans and mysteries, climbed two mountains, and summited Yr Wyddfa in 60-70 miles per hour winds then straight back down again phew!
That takes us to nearly today, after all that, i gave notice that i was guided to leave in two weeks but didn't know why yet, suddenly get an invite from two different people to a rainbow gathering, had a really good feeling about both of them so I now knew almost immediately why and where i was headed so i went home to pack, then walked from home in gloucestershire to nearly Wells, got a bus the rest of the way.
Arriving in Wells, I walked up the high street and suddenly had the surreal experience of standing outside the pub from Hot Fuzz, and looking right up the street to where the Vicar came out swearing all guns blazing, nice town, went from there, after being offered Homeless Outreach support from a very nice man while picknicking in the curch yard to the bus station after getting the essentials, going to Glastonbury.
I climbed the tor, hurt my knee coming down, then got a call from a friend, would i like to stay in his caravan? Sure I would, finding it eventually, sore and tired, I rested there for a week or so, eating the food lovingly prepared locally to support those living in a small community of caravans close to Saint Bridgets Mound, on Bridies Yard, did two ecstatic dances, leading to a lift to the rainbow gathering!
Glastonbury, before I get to the gathering, was heart opening, the first experience I can remember of feeling energy in my chest, what they call the heart space, not my physical heart, but the whole of my chest, opening in such a way, using a heart opening medicine, self touch, meditaton, stretching and loving myself, resting, healing and at the heart chakra of the world itself, Glastonbury in somerset no less!
So from there and lots of lovely encounters, I got to the rainbow gathering on dartmoor in devon. What can i say? A game of two halves. I got there full of enthusiam, started to offer healing, a workshop i came up with at the time, massage not so much, but offering a healing touch, in the way i was taught, and energy attunement, but all this ground to a halt because i smoked far too strong weed far too much.
My downfall over and over, going into myself, greedy, for the next smoke, the next toke, the next pass of a joint, the next cigarette, the next, the next, the next, bad thoughts, bad visions, bad sleep, no dreams, selfish actions, words and deeds, in fact the lowest ebb i can remember for years, not since the farm had i felt myself being lost and this addict returning and worse than that i failed to setup a healing space for all.
I had met some incredible healers, to give myself some due, the general acceptance of weed, i wont call it medicine as it's not treated as such here, it's an addiction, it's a coping strategy, it's a crutch, there's no drink allowed and thank goodness, the concious gatherings I have chosen to attend in recent years, choosing them over other music festivals and parties as i called them, they use this ethos too, no drink.
No drink, no drugs, just hugs is the bhuddafield way, the concious camp way, I had learned how easy it is to be yourself when everyone else is too, following this ethos makes it easy for you to be you, without crutched, or excuses, you turn up as your best self and can see where you need to heal and be open about it, talk about it, do the inner work, be the best you that you can be, so easily and feel so loved too.
So I have no-one to blame but myself for falling back, i had thought it would be really strict about such things, but nope, it's down to personal responsibility and i so wish it was different, i would have loved it so much more, would have not been rushing around so much, hurt myself a lot less, on the rocks and bracken, as i chose to go barefoot the whole month, i couldhave achieved so much more for others.
That said, i made friends I hope to be in the lives of and them in mine for the rest of my life, to create a wonderful healing retreat, my home, a community, with the ethos, No drink, No other drugs, just hugs and learn from these mistakes, and earn the right to call myself a respected elder, to show the way forward, to provide a safe space for those in recovery, to create something worthy of the title conscious creation.
I'll leave it there for now as I don't wish to talk about the gathering or the people or what I plan to do next.
I'm off to make chocolate using some moulds i found in the first charity shop i walked into yesterday.
Send some of it off to friends on the continent, hoping the postal charges are less in europe.
Live my life free of addictions, food is the last one, tobacco gone, drink gone.
Medicines, well they can be consumed in lots of different ways.
As for today, well, I'm six days clean of everything.
My dreams are coming back again.
My guidance clear
and true.
I
love
you always.
See you always.
