t.A.T.u. All the things she said

Running through my head, running through my head, running through my head

t.A.T.u. incidentally are the most successful Russian act to date.
They weren't lesbians they were just singing FOR lesbians
"we’ve always advocated love without boundaries."

I spent hours and hours planning my tattoos but I'm starting to wonder about one of them...

It is a quote from Saint Augustine and before you roll your eyes ;) let's remember that some of the truest words are spoken in jest but even more importantly that it doesn't matter what the source of information is if it is good... Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater as they say.

I'm not religious, I never had a faith although I sang hymns, went to Harvest Festivals, danced around the maypole, actually that's a bit pagan isn't it? Like everything else, we've forgotten where the best stuff came from originally. It's all been co-opted by religions and governments and twisted, deformed out of all shape over the years.

My Tat reads nondum amabam et amare amabam, I have not loved though I yearned to love...

The subject of the quote is unconditional love, striving for that, to be within it. Feel it.

Perhaps I should have it altered or have a big tick put next to the damn thing

Whether it's just a change of context, or attitude, but I'm there...

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Tinie Tempah

Look down at me and you see a fool, look up at me and you see a god, look straight at me and you see yourself.

It's awful being let down by people but it tends to start at home with you, or in this case me...

I lost my temper last night a little bit and then took myself off for a two to three hours walk around the block like I do when that sort of thing happens, which is so rare I can count the times on the fingers of one or possibly both hands at the very most. Here it's beautiful countryside and I can walk and walk and walk and just let things work themselves out, or in my case keep going over and over the same thoughts until I'm tired of them and go home cos it's getting so dusky it's virtually dark ;)

I fell out with two of my oldest dearest friends a few years ago just at the point that I was looking for and desperate for a reason to not have anything to do with them anymore anyway, for my own good. The reason for one was that I was being asked to lie for him. That is inconceivable to me as it's not in my nature and it hurt like hell but I did it. Over and over I confirmed his lie when his girlfriend asked, in this case I want to ensure that if the person/s involved ever read this and worked out who they are that they'd know it was not trivial but not involving a third party either. Let's say it's the sort of situ that revolves around spending money on things that the other person is unaware of or doesn't approve of, let's face it and without falling into a serious personal bugbear of mine; sexual stereotyping, girls often buy things they hide from their partner too... (check the back of the wardrobe guys if you don't believe me) and girls don't tell me you don't check his wallet and pockets for receipts? ;) I suppose in a sick kind of way you can tell yourself that what you are doing makes you happy and that they should really be grateful in the long run ;)

From the blokes and birds who get a season ticket for football or follow their team on the road given everything else that entails to a guy I saw the other day who split my home county of Gloucestershire into 1 kilometre squares and then promptly went and surveyed every single one for species and numbers of snails...

It's a fine line between passion and addiction

Trying to toe that line myself

Passion is winning out

Just-ly ;)

Light &
Love
Jon
x

First line pinched off MR Moulders' status, thankyou Nik ;) Credit where credit is due

Liar Liar - Dolores Umbridge

Liar Liar

I can't tell a lie

I think the most memorable and possibly even the first time I realised this was in the third year at school when I tried to tell Adam Walsh that I'd gotten the shiner I was sporting, being beaten up protecting Katy Baldry's honour in a fight. Actually I may have run into Kathryn years later when I was training at Cirencester Tescos...

She didn't recognise me or may have done but couldn't believe it was me because I'd grown nearly a foot since I left school ;) And I was too damn shy and also scared that I would get into trouble for talking to customers hehe

I never have an ulterior motive, possibly for that reason. I'll have you on mind, mischievously tricking you into cottoning onto something about you that you didn't realise in a way that leaves you to discover it on your own so that you can't shoot the messenger, cos it's actually you...

I'll plead ignorance like a vacuum to starve of oxygen the fires you intellectually stoke that should never have been lit, make you laugh when you should be in floods of tears but most of all I'll respect your right to be an idiot if that's your choice ;)

Dolores Umbridge

People who say nasty things with a smile on their face

Passive aggressivity (just made that word up) is where you sway forwards and backwards on the spot, those pendulum swings we all do when we're not in balance, don't have a starting position from which to spring forward and accelerate out of those sticky situations that we come-upon.

I find the best way to treat people like this is to remain calm and happy, it annoys the hell out of them because you refuse to get mad, refuse to join them in their united state of whatever...

They'll collapse emotionally or leave when you are strong in your commitment to love them despite their folly... If they can't beat you, can't join you, then they're off to find someone else who will...

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Freeborn - The Road More Travelled - I See What You Mean - Girls Who Are Boys

The Flower Of Life (not to be confused with the tree of the same name)

The World I see is different to yours, I can't look at it your way, see it mine

We started free, soon we will be again...

Quoting a website article:- Secession in Africa and the world over has a long interesting history. The trend, which started in Latin America in the early 1820s, has seen the number of countries in the world swell over the years, especially in the last 50 years.

Everyone the world over is becoming free again. Before there were countries, kingdoms, any notion of a male dominance culture, we were born free people. Now those freedoms are given or taken back by people, technology creating greater connectivity between us all, where will it end?

Well the obvious result would be a return to where we came from.

However the slight snags ;) are people like Fifa President Sepp Blatter, almost every so called World Leader, President, Prime Minister, authority figures of any kind are trying to hang on to power that they don't now and never deserved. That struggle has lead to all their advisers looking ahead, projecting future trends across this planet and predicting major problems. They've known this for years, decades even but are stuck in the system that put them there in the first place.

Trust me, they are going to try to look after themselves first and we don't matter at all.

The solutions are drastic to people who want to carry on living the way they are right now.

That's most of you that I'm talking about btw... and me probably although I am quite poor

The poorest must be raised up and the richest taken down from their self imposed pedestals...

Until we are all equal and a position of responsibility, not power, is given to those who merit it

Now, they choose themselves or are put into the wrong place at the right time by others

---

The Road More Travelled

The hard road, where you tell people what you really think of them, in a nice way, in a time or place where they can accept it without taking it personally. After all you are just telling them what you think of them, not what they are really like, it's your take...

Afterwards they would usually turn on you and find any excuse to ignore and reject what you've just expressed. Because it would be so much more difficult to accept that any of it could be true?

Well no actually, it's much easier in the long run to go the hard route...

I choose long term pain for short term gain in this respect.

I guess it's a bugger having a conscience ;)

I just have to do the right thing

By you, by me, by everybody

Rather than waiting for things to blow up in your face and then dealing with the aftermath,
A little bit of harder work every day makes things run much more smoothly most of the time.

---

I See What You Mean

I spend quite a bit of time trying to work out what you mean, asking questions and yes probably too many but you love talking about yourself anyway so hey, it works for me ;)

I also try to work out from the little I've got to go on, what I should do, but then I remember, that despite how much I want to be good for other people, it starts with me, number one.

We all love talking about ourselves and our lives, hoping that the respondent is interested and will make us feel better by replying with all sorts of platitudes and basically agree that they are the same. That's great but often they're not that bothered and are just humouring you ;)

When you say the exact thing at the same time as someone, when you say what you think they mean and you are right, when you're on the same wavelength, you really do SEE what they mean. Mouth noises, body language aside, you really do GET what they are saying.

How do you get it? Aren't you just predicting it because you know them well enough?

Like reading a book and having an idea how it ends, being proven right is great.

That's why we like it, that connection doesn't require a lot of face time though.

All you need do is be open and honest, clear and curious for their answer.

---

Who Like Boys To Be Girls

If you insist on expecting each other to behave in certain ways...

Don't be surprised if you aren't disappointed every time.

Change your outlook, alter how people see you too

Let us be what we are not what you think

Or were told to look for, engender

We are all unique not types

Stop being so lazy

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Look at what they make you give - Mr Creosote / Peter Ian Staker

Working for the Man / It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it

Really really really finding it difficult to turn up for work and once I'm there stick it out. The jobs are temporary, they always involve working for low wages and to line someone else's pockets. Work your ass off your whole life just to afford a (usually foreign) holiday every year, that you wouldn't need if you enjoyed what you did for a living, or as I prefer to describe it, how you choose to life your life and what you decide to do with it. So we put ourselves in debt (mortgage) chain ourselves to employers (career) and then look back after x years and wonder why we were so miserable most of that time? The only reason I go there at all is that I don't have anything to replace it with as yet and need an income while I continue to reinvent my life a little every day.

I don't wanna work for the Man no more, I wanna work for the people.

Instinctively
Gut to Guide us
Head to Help You
Heart & Hands Heal

So where do I start? It's tough because it feels as though the journey that I've been on (ouch so called 'reality t.v.' phrases creeping in) from the spiritual awakening that I was so avidly and desperately looking for when I was literally in the wilderness and got big time, to the progress made since then that just isn't getting me as far or as quickly as I would like, but hey.

Supposing I should think about it like this:-

I feel like myself to the maximum extent possible
I'm physically healthier and as fit as I've ever been
Things are looking up got new friends and interests
I'm happier and more content than I can remember

So what's missing?

I suppose I'm looking for some more company to share this old / new found me with...

If not The World hehe ;)

---

The Meaning Of Life / P.I Staker? Right! "Piss Taker!" Come on!

Whether or not I have actually discovered THE answer to the question "What is the meaning of life?" is irrelevant because it feels as though I have and that's enough for me right now. The one I've found gave me everything I was looking for, comfort in hard times, the belief that death is not the end and an end to the belief that death should be feared rather than revered. Also a new confidence that I should carry on being me and not cave in to all the pressure to conform to other people or societies expectations, whatever the outcome.

You can have that too...

It isn't a faith as in religious dogma, more of an experiential commitment to an ongoing exploration of what it means to be a human being in life and thereafter.

Treating others as you would like to be treated, sounds cliche, old hat, but it's so true.

I saw the way you behaved towards what I would describe as perfect strangers and I didn't like it.

There have been at least two occasions in person and one from afar when I was prepared to rip you to shreds, I held my nerve and decided not to 'give hate a chance' (Jamiroquai). I could have easily torn into your character but I don't want to knock your confidence, I can see that you are doing your best, it's just that your best, isn't good enough. Acting like a man when you are merely a scared little boy, taking the piss is a childish and lazy way to interact with people, not a valid method for coping with your own inadequacies. I should know...

We have a connection because I've felt it, less recently, as it merely reminds me just how far away from you I've gotten and how far you've still got to go. I compromised my own enjoyment to involve you because I felt that you were the one person I could share my new found wealth of knowledge and experience with and yet you decry the very existence of love, sending me back to a metaphorical step one with you, making me doubt you, doubt our friendship, feel like not spending time together any more.

I know why, and I've been there so I can't be too hard on ya, when all I want is for you to let go...

What you're holding onto isn't to your benefit or anyone else's, I know how difficult it is, but try.

I guess that's why I was slightly amused (after being concerned and empathizing) when the Solstice bit back and gave you what we'd been discussing moments previously. Often a bad experience teaches us much more than a good one.

About others
About ourself

You've been the source of at least one of mine... Thankyou I think, yes I'm sure, thanking you ;)

Learn from your mistakes or make them again and again in more extreme ways until you do...

I didn't always like meeting new people, new social situations, chances for others to judge me
Now I revel in meeting new people, new social situations, chances for me NOT to judge others
In return I have met people who are not just willing but wholly enthusiastic to have me BE me.

Truly being yourself means wanting other people to be themselves, as wild and wacky as they like
Giving you permission to reveal all those things that make you wonder if you are worth knowing.

If you expect anyone else to accept who you really are, you need to have respect, build trust, love them as if they were your brother or sister, because they truly are, be not divisive but connective.

We are all aspects of the same thing, an energy that expresses itself in so many interesting and unique ways within us as individuals, each personality a valid example of what can be achieved.

...For Bad or for Good. There are many people today who display one or the other for us to see

Ignore the bad, focus on the good. S'all you need do and let everything else fall into place

I still get angry but I immediately remember what it means to give in to that and forget it

Greedy for all the wrong things & getting them because that is what you wish for, so be careful

Mr Creosote - "And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint" (pronounced waffer in french) ;)
What? http://www.firebox.com/product/2798/Monty-Python-Wafer-Thin-Mints

re·vere ¹ (r-vîr)

tr.v. re·vered, re·ver·ing, re·veres

To regard with awe, deference, and devotion.

Light &
Love
Jon
x

Abstinence

'Penance, fasts, and abstinence, / To punish bodies.' No 'souls offense' here... but a week's a long time

Merely preparation for a more distinct elation, a celebration made of pure joy

Time to set aside what we want for what we need, temporarily, from now on

Greeting dawn eyes clear bright askew for the first rays to energise the air

Solstice at Avebury Stone Circle drumming till midnight sets the scene

Journey through chalk hills and white horses to the Red Lion

Preparation. Fast. Pack. Light. Love.

Leave lots of things behind

Forget expectations

Wake up

---

abstinence (uncountable)

1. The act or practice of abstaining, refraining from indulging a desire.

   The abstinence from a present pleasure that offers itself is a pain, nay, oftentimes, a very great one. — John Locke

   Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. — S^t Augustine

2. Specifically, the practice of abstaining from intoxicating/alcoholic beverages (also called total abstinence, teetotalism).
3. Specifically, the practice of abstaining from sexual intercourse, either permanently or until marriage.
4. The practice of self-denial by depriving one's self (partly or totally) of certain kinds of food or drink, especially meat.

   Penance, fasts, and abstinence, / To punish bodies for the soul's offense. - John Dryden

Sublimeinal Imagery

Sub-Lime-Inal Imagery

I've alluded to shamanistic journeying
but not said outright how I achieve it.

Rhythmic drumming can get you there
Dancing to a fast regular base beat
Trance-like-states attained through
changes to perceptual reality aided
by consumption of sacred entheogens

I was guided to the resources necessary.

You see I have found that many people tread carefully along the wrong side of the tracks.
Looking only to have a good time when occasionally you need a bad one to learn anything.
Enlightenment the illumination of those dark areas of ourselves that we ignore or avoid.

Acceptance of our true selves, our true personality, our true nature...

My moods invariably positive every day
a confidence grows in my own abilities
Mind & Body & Soul attuned to original
factory default configuration settings
of the brain chemistry and the outlook
deemed to have been perverted in times
passed via influences without & within

I forgave myself
I forgave you
Clean slate

Without a shadow of a doubt in evidence...

As Terence Mckenna would say, "Take it easy, but take it!"

The hard part relearning & recreating a suitable environment and conditions

Thousands of years of practice and consumption by our ancestors was the clinical trial

I work to perfect acceptance of our Jekyll and Hyde nature until they are combined

It can involve Lime juice and courage and the aforementioned entheogens

But most of all a desire within to find out why we are here

Ask a question and often the answer is the one you already knew

But would rather deny until we hear it from someone we trust, YOU...

Lime &
Love
Jon
x

Put 'em up Put 'em up... - Que Sera Sera What You Will Will Be Will Be

A strange calm falls over me and I know that I am ready. Maybe it's because now I tend to put a lot more effort into the details beforehand, make sure I know what to expect, treasure the excitement while nevertheless an eerie peace pervades those moments that in the past might have made me waver, shift back and forth, be irresolute, unable to decide, blow hot and cold, change, deliberate, dilly-dally, dither, falter, flicker, fluctuate, halt, hedge, hem and haw, hesitate, oscillate, palter, pause, pussyfoot around, quiver, reel, run hot and cold, seesaw, shake, stagger, sway, teeter, totter, tremble, trim, undulate, vacillate, vary, waffle, wave, weave, whiffle, wobble, yo-yo...

No finer examples than The Cowardly Lion, The Tin Man, The Scarecrow

Had what they were looking for all along but they feared, denied or shied away from it

The truth is that I have been braver than most about a few things but less about everything else

Courage is hard won but easy to lose sight of unless you know where it's coming from

Hoping what you are so passionate about will one day mean as much to others

Who you really are is worth sharing because otherwise this life is a sham

Not false bravado built on shaky foundations but admittance,

Of strengths and weaknesses without fear of reprisals

I won't use what you tell me if you don't either

No-one will ever have the upper hand

Unless they should at the time

Let's share everything

Responsibility

Compassion

Elation

Love

---

What you will will be will be

"The future's not ours to see que sera sera..."

"I got a feeling oohoo that tonight's gonna be a good night..."

Intuited through the felt presence of direct experience it can be touched upon

Sometimes you can change what will occur with your own behaviour and attitude

The events will usually be along the lines of what was likely to happen in the first place.

You see it's neither one thing nor the other but both, there is always two sides (at least) to an argument, but it's a bit like asking several people for their version of the same occurrence. Different in every case, inconsistencies, confabulation, you never get to the bottom of the story.

Yes you can change things but....
Some things will happen anyway

So you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't

But you are also blessed when you can tell the difference

and act accordingly... Which gets easier with practise

Light &
Love
Jon
x

What A Girl Wants

What A Girl Needs

Mother Nature would like me to be in bed asleep once the birds have stopped singing and the stars come out then awake again by early light. Work hard, doze out the heat, work on, play on, rest on...

And Inbetween
Goodnight &
Good day &
Goodnight

Is what we
Have For
Us To
Be
1

Together with her

Whatever makes me happy sets you free
And I'm thanking you for knowing exactly

Light &
Love
Jon
x

On and on from the moment I wake, To the moment I sleep - Through Your Eyes

I've been thinking about you ok?

Can that be enough or do I have to get in touch because I'll always have a niggling suspicion that I'm being a nuisance if I do. I just got used to letting others run the show, if you want me around I'll be there. I think about a lot of people anyways, those that make me feel good when I do, most of all of course.

It was always a surprise, not always a nice one, to have other people reveal to me what I'm like...

For a long time I didn't know. It was said that there was always a someone on my mind.

That did used to be true but a fire that is all consuming burns itself out eventually.

I think about you and it makes me smile and I hope I see you again.

Realistic expectations are far easier to live, with you in mind.

Till we meet again through spontaneous syncronicity,

Seems to have worked pretty well up until now...

After all I didn't know you'd be there,

Nor did you know I would be.

3 Times Was A Charm.

-

Through Your Eyes

So many of my guests a week and a bit ago, I should say our guests, but I was the guy with all the caps on so I'm taking the rap with the credit... the party goers who arrived before dark Saturday or left after dawn Monday commented on how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful spot. It was amazing to see this place through other people's eyes again, it always is every time. What a pleasure...

I can't take anything for granted any more, have tried but it slips from my fingers as it should.
All I can do is enjoy every moment without any thought of the next one or the last and just be.

Light &
Love
Jon
x