How Bizarre?
Neurotic behaviour is everywhere, I used to see it in the desire to have nice things for the sake of it or the snobbery that was so prevalent in some people. It presents itself again and again when you look at the extremes of our society. The worst of us are merely hints at what the rest are becoming or are already well on their way towards, the best of us seem like the fading flickering of an increasingly distant light at the end of the tunnel. Like caged wild animals we pace up and down our tiny rabbit hutches nervously, be they the cells of the accommodation mortgaged or rented or the windowless cubical at work.
Are we supposed to live with neuroses? NO is the answer you're looking for
Is there a better way? Yes and more & more people are realising that finally
How Bizarre do things have to get for everyone else to realise that change is upon us?
A splinter in your mind once discovered must be dug at until it can be removed or until you realise that the thing you can't explain away isn't the exception at all, it's the rule.
Pretty fucking bizarre is all I can say anyway, I know there are a lot of distractions at the moment but if you could just take the time to sit yourself down and ask a few difficult questions, the answers really are easy.
Do you want to be truly happy?
Do things make you truly so?
If your answer is yes to the first and yes to the second, I commend you for your desire to be happy but can't condone your method, so I can't argue but all I would say is, instant sense gratification and want are poor substitutes indeed for anticipation and need...
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Ooh Baby Your Driving Me Crazy
I met my friends new baby the other day and I must admit that I got a little broody, I managed to avoid nature's biological imperative in my teens and twenties, maybe my clock's ticking towards some kind of alarm going off... The story about the 80 or 90 something year old guy having a kid with his new (much younger) love, gave me hope that I might not have missed my chance, although I made a decision some years ago that bringing a child into this world is a double edged sword. Not only is it the most exciting time for anyone to be alive, it's also one of the most dangerous, despite all our hopes and dreams of a new future in the progressive 80's and 90's things are going backwards for many people. Would I want to burden a world that can't cope with the numbers of human beings now, with another soul?
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Every Time I Look Around
I've been blessed with many good qualities but sometimes you can have too much of a good thing right? I care too much and I'm way too selfless, or at least I was. I blame my mum, she's the most incredibly selfless person and the best human being I know (a close second possibly to the Dalai Lama although they'd both get a rosette if I was handing them out).
However, yes here's the but, I'm not bigging myself up here, I think I put others before myself a little too much in the past. Their happiness was often more important than my own was to me, misguided romantic feelings towards the wrong people, unrequited love. But I was picky mind you, I didn't just skip from one crush to another I did it properly. I loved my best friend for ten years or so and then my next 'thang' lasted a few years because I'd learned a lot about how much heartache I could take before making the decision to go cold turkey.
So now, I don't have feelings I shouldn't for my friends (girls only, I know you'd like to think I fancy you G.H. your hair is a deal breaker, I know that's vain and shallow but it's true). In fact it seems as though a lot of my neuroses have been if not cured then alleviated to a greater or lesser extent. I've been regenerated from the new shoots that grew when I travelled, when I cut back all the undergrowth of the past twenty or so years and let the light into my shady little glade, new life soon took advantage of it. I still don't like using the phone and I'm still shy around girls that I'm attracted to but those are trifles compared to the ineptitude of my youth, the cowardice of my post first relationship twenties and now I'm standing looking back on my thirties with some pride and some trepidation, but not much...
Every time I look around I think I regret less of the things that I've done than others do but maybe I regret more the things that I haven't done that they have... Maybe, maybe not
Light n Love
Jon
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